Mostly Dead Things

by Kristen Arnett
March 20-29, 2020

Well, now I'm mostly dead. The biggest emotion this book evoked was rage. Some would view that as an accomplishment, but that certainly isn't my intention. I feel like I hate-read the entire novel, hoping that just maybe it would redeem itself. The author even took it upon herself to deliver the CliffsNotes version not even halfway through, just in case anyone needed a little push.

  "There was my mother, with her sudden deviation from anything I’d ever known or expected from her. My father had killed himself in a place where he knew I’d find him, leaving me a note that said it was my responsibility to take care of the things he wasn’t strong enough to handle. The only woman I’d ever cared for I’d shared with my brother, a person I simultaneously loved and hated for it." 

And still, I couldn't have cared less. Every single character was so shallow and unlikable that I struggled to focus, skimming many of the repetitive sentences. The author chose to describe people by their zits and scabs, rather than with any real emotion. The narrator was so hollow it was a wonder she was still breathing.

These characters aren’t simply unlikable. They are all horrible people who actually commit horrific crimes and suffer no consequences. I can’t image one person who would enjoy reading about the illegal killing of animals; while these acts barely got a modicum of reaction. The final chapter attempted to “make this OK” and was completely outrageous, ludicrous.

Atmospherically, everything was dirty and gross. Each scene took on some type of heavy, overused descriptive, becoming so frequent that I was more focused on the miasma than the moment itself. A long-awaited, soul-baring moment between brother and sister was ruined with disgusting details. A tender scene with two people finally declaring love (in and of itself unbelievable because no character depth was ever established) was spoiled when one licked bug parts of the other's palm. My face was in a constant grimace. Not my form of entertainment.

* * * * *

The City of Flickering Light

by Juliette Fay
Oct 23-Nov10, 2019

In the span of just one year, two strippers burlesque dancers and one tagalong get everything they ever wanted. That shallow description pretty much sums up the effort given to forming the plot of this book. So many reviews that I read lauded the author for her extensive research (if I read one more review that says how well-researched this book is!), but none of that really matters when the final result is so poorly executed. The descriptions and dialogue are meant to suggest the essence of the roaring 20s, but instead it comes off sophomoric and quite corny.

"She nodded and looked away to hide the gratitude in her eyes."

Huh?

Pick a hot topic and you'll find it within the pages. Rape, murder, pregnancy and drug abuse are just the beginning of the list. The result is almost laughably predictable, and again, seemingly a tactic to imbue a sign of the times. It's as if the author didn't give the reader enough credit to understand what was happening without dumbing it down  – I'm looking at you, Author's Note. Thanks, but I think I got it.

"The silence from Irene’s side of the bed was loud."

Well OK, then.

Overall, a completely non-challenging, quick read of an implausible "isn't-Hollywood-grand" stereotype. 2-1/2 stars.

* * * * *

The Water Cure

by Sophie Mackintosh
Oct 15-21, 2019

I don't get it. Dystopia? Nope. Sadistic women? Totally. But with vague descriptions and insinuations of the world around them, this book leaves the reader with more questions than answers, and not in a good way. Although I tore through The Water Cure, it was only because the writing was so shallow and asked very little of its readers. The author seemed to be under the assumption that the reader would know what the hell she was talking about.

The plot centers around three sisters and their parents living remotely on an island to supposedly shield themselves from toxins on the mainland and the violent men who inhabit it. But there is no solid proof that it's a dystopian society, and no real desire to find out more. Instead, it's a tactic that attempts to add intrigue and fails. What in truth is flat-out abuse in a cult created by ruthless parents, filling space with the abstract of "what is really happening in the world" was only distracting and really confusing.

"I am always alternating between invincibility and the sick fear of dying."

I think readers who are true fans of the dystopian genre are far more outraged than I am. I'm simply annoyed by all the hype and false comparisons to better novels.

* * * * *

The Lost Girls of Paris

by Pam Jenoff
Aug 18-Sept 18, 2019

I wanted to like this book more than I did. What on the surface is a terrific premise, I came away with two major issues. The first was that the facts and the timeline were poorly researched and seemingly rushed to publish without proper fact-checking. The second was the author's note at the end. Much of why I love historical fiction is for the reason that I learn about events, people, etc. that I didn't know about before, and a successful novel will spur me to research its subject further. But pretty much the first sentence of the author's note said that while these overall events actually did happen, none of the actual story lines can be taken with even the slightest grain of salt. Extremely disappointing considering the backbone this book started with. Instead of an homage to these female heroes, we were "treated" to insipid love stories and unfortunately, stereotypical, shallow women.

The 1946 chapters told by Grace were completely gratuitous and did nothing to further the plot. While Grace's portions were meant to increase the drama, they did nothing but induce eye rolls and diminish the female viewpoint. A much more credible novel would have omitted this altogether. The "love" story between Marie and Julian was shallow, unbelievable and unnecessary. Again, trying to be too much. It speaks to why I would go several days in between before picking the book up again.

However, I will never tire of reading about Paris!

* * and 1/2 * * *

The Altruists

by Andrew Ridker
May 18-June 9, 2019

Obviously the title is as ironic as it gets, because these people sucked. And that is about as much feeling as I can muster for this book. I'm completely indifferent about the plot and I'm just glad to be finished with it. The story lagged, was not funny (as it claimed to be) and generally fell flat.

Like a comatose patient with no DNR, his sedate lifestyle required a steady drip of funds.

A little indulgent, no? I also may or may not have choked on my wine when I found out the author was born while I was in college. So I suppose I can give him a break on his debut and hope that he succeeds in the future. But this book is utterly forgettable with zero impact.

* * * * *

Alternate Side

by Anna Quindlen
May 5-15, 2019

I read all genres, all age groups, all kinds of subjects, but the last few Quindlen books have just felt old to me. Even though the main human was less than 10 years older than I am, the whole thing felt so geriatric. And I said "human" because evidently the main protagonist was a parking lot. Not one thing felt fresh or inventive about this group of ho-hum neighbors on a coveted block in NYC. The dust jacket describes the story as "provocative" but that couldn't be more off-base.

A quirky technique that was hard to ignore was the constant use of the past perfect tense.

"Nora had had to yank their dog away from a cardboard container of moo shu something..."

I don't normally dial-in on grammatical styles, but I couldn't help but notice how often it was used – I don't think normal day-to-day conversation calls for it so frequently.

This is the third dud in recent years from Quindlen. For me she's lost her dazzle from the Black and Blue days. I'm done.

* * * * *

My Year of Rest and Relaxation

by Ottessa Moshfegh
April 30-May5, 2019

Well, that could very well be the most unlikeable character I've read in some time. The unnamed narrator of this story is a selfish, narcissistic, manipulative drug addict. She is downright mean. With the amount of prescription drugs she took, it's a wonder she didn't kill herself (yes, I know it's fiction).

The book jacket praises the book in many ways, but the description of being "at times blackly funny" is so far off the mark as to miss it completely. It's impossible to feel sorry for "her." She treats her best friend like dirt; she thinks of herself as a 10 even when she's withered away in a drug-addled state. Her psychiatrist...oh God, please tell me that there aren't real doctors out there like this one. Every facet of this book is unbelievable. And with the constant pushing of the date in the reader's face (2000-2001) it's plainly obvious where this book is going. And that ending was downright offensive.

As I'm reading other reviews, I'm learning that this is the author's "thing" –  to write extremely unlikeable feminine characters to the point of shock value. Doing that over and over again shows a lack of originality and even with this one book, I'm bored by it.

And magically, sleeping for a year drugged out of her mind, and suddenly she is cured! Um, OK.

* * * * *

The Dakota Winters

by Tom Barbash
March 31-April 14, 2019

I wanted to like this book so much more than I actually did. The premise was really interesting and I love any chance to learn more about the Dakota. But the Dakota as a character fell flat and was unresolved. And while the beginning chapters were compelling, the book took a nose dive for me around the halfway point. I started to ask myself, what's the point? I adore historical fiction, but I really had a hard time believing the relationship with Anton and John Lennon. Someone who is so incredibly famous shouldn't be written in a fictional sense. I couldn't accept this relationship, no matter how much research the author did.

However, the name-dropping and events of the late 70s into 1980 were a fun trip down memory lane. It was when Barbash attempted to blend these people and events into a fictional family's experiences that I began to find the story gratuitous and shallow. I can usually accept historical fiction for what it is and allow myself to suspend belief, but the more I read, the more vapid it became. The fictional characters were all underdeveloped and the real characters left me doubting the historical accuracy. The entire plot was simply asking too much of the reader. Total miss for me.

* * * * *

Educated

by Tara Westover
March 10-23, 2019

It somehow seems wrong to judge a person's memoir. But that's just about what I am going to do. I understand that there are definitely people out there that live sheltered, unfathomable lives. But this one was eye-roll inducing. The first issue I had was with the "I think it happened this way; so-and-so thinks it happened that way." None of her memories are truly clear. There were too many footnotes like this that reduced some of the credibility. All of her memories are of horrific accidents and injuries and yet not one person died from these events. Her mother makes tinctures that save lives. Let's get the Cleveland Clinic to knock on their door...it's a miracle! Second, the timeline was disjointed at best. At one point the book jumps from Y2K to September 11. Tsk-tsk for an author with a PhD.

Which leads me to the "Educated" portion. If your delusional, government-fearing father is so anti-education, and you live on a mountain in the middle of nowhere, how do you even know you want an education? And once this education begins, Westover somehow becomes like the Forrest Gump of college – being afforded insanely generous opportunities to BYU, Cambridge and Harvard. And somehow there's enough money and scholarships for this to happen.

I understand the someone so cut off from society could truly be ignorant to the ways of the world. But,

"Was I pregnant? I wasn't sure."

This naiveté did not evoke empathy, just annoyance. COME ON. You are at BYU. Google it for goodness sake.

The memoir did start to come together more for me towards the end, but by that point, I just wanted to finish it. I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I'm just tougher to please these days. (A- on the cover design though.)

* * * * *

Sold on a Monday

by Kristina McMorris
Jan 19-27, 2019

What a missed opportunity. I expected a beautiful, heart-wrenching account of children sold during the Depression, and instead I was disappointed by a cheesy, foolish caper. Nothing about it felt timeless like good historical fiction so successfully does. The dialogue was incredibly corny and the author even went as far as describing a woman in an orphanage as "colored." Come on. How does that add to the story when it's not even used in the vocal exchange between characters?

It's not a story about the children who were sold by their dying mother. It immediately lost its focus on the hardships of the Depression after the first few chapters. It was about a reporter with a shallow storyline and a woman inaccurately misrepresented in 1931. I really can't believe this book got as many positive reviews as it did. It was supposedly inspired by a real-life photo of four children next to a for sale sign, but the (mis)interpretation was ridiculous.

* * * * *

As Bright as Heaven

by Susan Meissner
Sept 18-Oct 10, 2018

Oof. Talk about having a great concept and letting it get out of control. This one went off the rails fast and hard. The first half, during the Spanish flu pandemic, was gut-wrenching and interestingly told. The concept of the family living and working in a funeral home and not being able to keep up with the deaths was a unique perspective. The amount of lives lost was portrayed in a way that often brought tears to my eyes. And then...

“Life is wonderful and beautiful but oh, how hard it can be.” 

Flash forward seven years and I was left wondering what the point of the story was. Why should I care at all about these new characters/mental patients? How does that further develop the story line? And please, please, please don't reveal what I think you are about to reveal ... oops, too late. The final part was so contrived and gratuitous I nearly abandoned the book. Sure, everyone loves a happy ending, but this one couldn't have been anymore "of course" unless a unicorn showed up on the last page. I honestly don't see why there are so many glowing reviews {eye roll}. Three stars going into it, two stars coming out.

* * * * *

An American Marraige

by Tayari Jones
Aug 20-Sept 17, 2018

It appears that I am waaaaay in the minority on this one, but man, I had to force myself through. While maybe the book started off a little slow; the letter writing was interesting and dynamically evolving, it quickly picked up momentum, only to screech to a halt in the final several chapters. It was like slogging through mud.

I really liked the perspective of an educated, successful black "power" couple who get a really shitty hand dealt to them. But for me, this fact only kind of wafted in the background. It would have been better off with a greater focus on this injustice than the marriage collapse. Because of course it would be extremely difficult for newlyweds to maintain a relationship when the husband is locked up for five years, but their actions once he was released from prison were not at all believable. Rightly so, he would assume they could pick up where they left off. And to her defense, she moved on. But their interactions and expectations of each other were disjointed at best.

"What cruelty revealed that she cared by making me understand the limits of the same?"

Huh?? I must have read that sentence five times. I felt like the inevitable ending was so drawn out as to be gratuitous to the author's vocabulary. And when he started banging his head on the stupid tree that even had a name ... enough. I definitely missed the point all around.

* * * * *

Fierce Kingdom

by Gin Phillips
July 4-7, 2018

A super quick read, not necessarily because of the intended suspense. I am not really a fan of thrillers or this genre in general, but was intrigued by the short length and light investment while on vacation.

A woman and her 5-year old son are at the zoo near closing time. They know all the ins and outs of the place. As they make their way to the exit they hear gun shots and find a place to hide. OK, sounds good, right? My first issue is that terror is not an enjoyable feeling for me when I'm reading. Especially when it involves children. The second issue, and this is a big one, is how Joan decides to handle the situation. Now I understand that no one could predict how she would react in a terrifying life or death situation, but I gotta believe it wouldn't be anything like this. In the beginning, Joan communicates with her husband via cell phone as she shares news of their hiding and tries to learn more of the situation. But suddenly she thinks the light on the phone will get them caught, so she throws her phone away. WHAT?! I get that it makes for a more dramatic story, but it's just not plausible. It's her only connection to the outside.

Finally, while I'm the first to criticize a plot for wrapping up neatly in a bow, this one just stops at the most uninformative moment. What the hell happened to the baby in the garbage can? What happened to the woman with the bad knee?? I can probably assume that everyone made it out safely, but aren't books like this supposed to not have happy endings? Overall, an extremely flawed delivery on a decent premise.

* * * * *

The Velvet Hours

by Alyson Richman
April 22-May 16, 2018

The first two words that came to me while I was reading this: gratuitous and indulgent. For as much as I love novels centered around Paris during WWII, this one was all over the place and eye-roll inducing. I didn't find the structure to be successful, nor did I find the characters to be well-developed or even likable. The author spent more time describing the art pieces than imagining the lives of the characters.

With alternating chapters told by Solange at the beginning of the war and her grandmother in the late 1800s, the changes in their POV was very distracting. The technique was unsuccessful and didn't succeed in building a better story. My quick takeaways from each character are this: Solange is selfish and oblivious. Marthe is an oblivious courtesan. I'm sure there is truth to the whole "kept woman" concept, but wow, is that hard to read in this day and age. And Solange, as the Nazis are about to occupy Paris, all she can think of is her stupid books and her boyfriend. The biggest eye roll of them all was how her boyfriend got "excused" from the draft. Then their escape to South America was rushed and lacking any sympathy that one would imagine was experienced during that time. From all the other historical fiction books I've read about this era, this one just isn't plausible.

The inspiration for this story came from a real-life event, where an apartment was discovered untouched after 70 years. In my opinion, the author missed the best opportunity to tell a really good story. It was a struggle to finish. Such a disappointment.

* * * * *

The Life She Was Given

by Ellen Marie Wiseman
Jan 28-Feb 10, 2018

Warning. This is not a book for adults. This is a YA book hiding in plain sight as credible, adult fiction. It's funny that the more I dislike a book, the more I have to say about it. Fundamentally and technically, there is so much wrong.

Let's start with the spelling and grammatical errors. The book alternates chapters between Lilly (in the 1930s) and Julia (in the 50s). At one point, Julia became "Julie" for a sentence or two. I thought I was losing my mind until I realized it was an error! That's pretty hard to overlook. Every new chapter started with a one-sentence synopsis of what happened two chapters earlier, and the pattern was exactly the same. Out of 34 chapters, 20 of them started with "After {the incident}..." It's as though the author isn't giving the reader credit for remembering what happened just a few pages before. Definitely a YA formula. While this is no literary feat, there were sentences that actually made me laugh out loud:

"The headless dressmaker's dummy seemed to be watching, judging her for searching the house."

Haha! I could go on, but I think my point is clear. Fundamentally, Julia living in the 1950s is poorly visualized. She's written more like a young woman in the present day. The overarching themes of the story became increasingly uncomfortable with every page. Lilly is presented as an albino simply because she has porcelain skin. This was misleading, misinformed and a cop out attempting to add suspense to the big reveal in the end. The animal cruelty was excruciating to read and not something that I think adds interest, only a shock value. Add these two themes to the Big Top and yet another hilarious line:

"Because where else would an albino, a lifelong circus performer, and an elephant have any sort of chance at starting over?"

Don't we all wonder the same thing?!!? Wiseman is touted as an "acclaimed, best-selling author" who got her inspiration from the Flowers in the Attic series. Sorry, you are no V.C. Andrews and I found nothing but flaws in this ridiculous novel.

* * * * *

Miller's Valley

by Anna Quindlen
Dec 26, 2016-Jan 8, 2017

I never read the book jacket before I start a new novel. I like to form my own opinions and wait until I'm finished with the book. After finishing Miller's Valley this morning and reading the synopsis only one word comes to mind: gratuitous. Wow, does that description make this book sound way better than it is. Reviews have called it "quiet" but in my opinion quiet translates to "boring."

I mean, how is eminent domain an interesting topic? Especially when it's mentioned throughout but never really explored thoroughly. It takes 20 years for it to come to fruition, but by that time, it just didn't matter. I am just now finding out that "drowned towns" are actually a thing, but a little back story at the beginning would have been helpful in adding interest. Otherwise, I kept wondering, who cares?

My main takeaway is that these shallowly-drawn characters deserved better. Quindlen is better than that. It was like looking through a dirty window into their lives only to get a little bit, but not quite enough. Why wasn't the idea of Ruth being a shut-in explored more? Oh wait, the big reveal comes in the last five percent of the book when it's really too little, too late. Mimi's friends are all total jerks yet she doesn't see it. Again, quiet = boring. The subjects introduced throughout deserved so much more time and attention than they were given.

It's astonishing how many four- and five-star reader reviews are out there. I am clearly in the minority. I just think this book dabbled in too many subjects, trying to tackle all the major coming-of-age ones, when it would have been better off focusing on a few of the more interesting topics. I loved Quindlen's earlier novels, but I've really been disappointed of late.


* * * * *

I'll Take You There

by Wally Lamb
Dec. 15-25, 2016

Waiting for a new Wally Lamb novel is like waiting for Christmas. So exciting and always curious as to what subject he will tackle next. But for the first time, I admit I was a bit disappointed. He's a master storyteller, no doubt, but this was not what I expect from him. He writes women better than most female authors, but this time he lacked depth, seriousness and even length. The reason I wait patiently for his next release is because they are usually quite heavy – in subject matter as well as page-count. Greatness takes time.

So when I found out that we were revisiting the life of Felix from Wishin' and Hopin', I wasn't overly excited. I just read that short (for Lamb) story and mentioned that I felt it was a bit gratuitous. Of all the characters in all the novels he's written, why choose this one? As an adult, Felix looks back on his childhood through the help of ghosts in a theatre. Really?! I have trouble suspending reality with no real explanation if the book isn't advertised as a "ghost story" in the first place. This made zero sense to me. Even famous people returned from the dead to speak to Felix. The whole thing felt too gimmicky and honestly unnecessary. The story would have been much better told if Felix was simply reminiscing about his childhood and his relationship with his sisters. And I never thought I'd even utter a word like this when describing a Wally Lamb book, but the dialogue was corny. It pains me to say this.

Because of my devotion to Lamb, I'm going to give him a pass on this one. I've said many times in this blog that I've read She's Come Undone at least five times, so that in itself is reason enough to let this one go. I'll just have to eagerly await the next great book. Like Christmas.


* * * * *

Two if by Sea

by Jacquelyn Mitchard
Aug 20-Sept 24, 2016

Five weeks. Struggling. That's a long time for a book by an author I adore. But what a disappointment. I was so excited to dive into Mitchard's latest because it had been about eight years since she'd released anything new. I have to admit that even the jacket copy wasn't as intriguing as I hoped. But from a well-loved storyteller, I had to give it a chance.

The first issue I had was with the far-reaching facts. Not that reality can't be suspended in a great novel, but it still has to be believable. Adopting a boy saved from a tsunami, when in fact, the boy was kidnapped, is not endearing. The second stumbling block was the heavy focus on horses. Horse training. Horse farms. Horse competitions. Horse, horse, horse. While it may have added interest to the plot, it could have been edited down significantly. From there, the story spiraled out of control. Too many facets, too many directions this book tried to cover. It was like the story was trying to be a romance, mystery, animal-lover, murder, intrigue and family epic all in one. Too much. The telepathy the children had could have been the main focus, but was instead eye-rolling because it was treated more of an afterthought. Bottom line is that Mitchard should never, ever write a mystery novel again.

The whole tale seemed rushed, frantic and completely jumbled. The characters were not very likable, not well explained, and certainly underdeveloped. Even the "bad guy" was a head-scratcher. In the last 20 pages of the book when he finally appears, I found myself thinking "who?" And then not caring much because he was written like a mustache-twirling buffoon. Throw in the killing of the family dog and a newborn foal – presumably just to add suspense – and I'm done.

This review is incredibly harsh, I know, but I expected so much more from one of my favorites.

* * * * *

The Book of Speculation

by Erika Swyler
Nov 6-Dec 15, 2015

Well that was a whole lot of nothin'. Or, more specifically, a whole lot of nothin' disguised as somethin'. Maybe it was the major plot line about some old, sinister tarot cards that turned me off. I'm not a fan of mystics, tarot card readings, horoscopes, etc. But I typically love books about books, about magic, about the beach. Or possibly it was the whiny-as-hell narrator.

I feel like we caught him – Simon – in the midst of his crises. Yes, I know a book has to start somewhere, but I couldn't help but wonder why and how he let his house get in such disrepair that he literally fell through the floor. The house was meant to be a sinister character too, I guess, but it was just silly. And all of a sudden Simon was in an awkward relationship with the girl he grew up with (did I miss the chapter when they slept together?!) Overall, rather clumsy storytelling in my opinion.

Finally, the "slow burn" to the climax was a bit excruciating. It was also pretty predictable and definitely eye-roll-worthy. I was even chanting in my head "seriously, don't do it, don't do it" while reading of Simon's fate. Then lo and behold, a nice big bow wrapped around the whole story. No thanks.

I read that some people were making the suggestion, "If you liked Night Circus, this is better." That sealed it. I wasn't a fan.

There was one small shimmer, way toward the end, that immediately got me out of my comfy reading spot to grab a pen. This quote is gorgeous:

"Once you've held a book and really loved it, you forever remember the feel of it, its specific weight, the way it sits in your hand."

Too bad I didn't feel that way about this book...

* * * * *

Still Life with Breadcrumbs

by Anna Quindlen
October 2014-January 2015

I gotta make this one short and quick. Even though I struggled for about three months to get through it. Because "Still Life" was exactly that for me – still. I didn't feel like there was really any complexity to the characters and the story dragged on in a very uninteresting way. I'm disappointed because I really adore Quindlen's work, but to be fair, the majority of the issues I had were with the narrator.

For the second time I've been unfortunate enough to stumble upon Carrington MacDuffie, the same narrator who ruined (albeit a rather dull story anyways) Never Knowing for me. Not to completely slander a person I've never met, but honestly, this woman should not narrate audiobooks. Her accents were laughable and she somehow manages to make every person sound ignorant, and most frustratingly of all, whiny. Oh how I hate whining.

The other thing that contributed to this marathon reading session was the 'Serial' podcast. I dropped this book like a hot potato so I could listen to Sarah Koenig. There would also be days and days I would go without giving it even a five-minute listen. I guess one could argue that because of this I was never fully engaged in the story. (I was going to write a post on "Serial', but what could I say that hasn't already been said? Plus, every single American has already formed his/her own opinion.)

But again, NOTHING HAPPENED! The most interesting characters were the ones who had the least amount of page time; specifically, Rebecca's mother, who played an imaginary piano incessantly, and Jim's mentally ill sister, whose death was, regrettably, an interesting moment. Finally, I'm love the idea of a woman dating a (much) younger man, but either the narrator or the author managed to make this come across as creepy, and honestly, kind of gross. Plus, with Rebecca being in her 60s, I related less to her than the "younger man."

Perhaps a more interesting read for a Baby Boomer.


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